Today’s a day when pictures speak louder than words since, in essence, England were dire and NZ did what they had to do and are dominating this match.

What I hoped would happen did in that Darren Mitchell and Mitchell Santner batted together. That may sound nondescript but I think it’s the first time that the surname of one batsman is the first name of the batsman immediately following on the scoreboard. I know I need to get out more but this is just crazy! A first in over 140 years of test cricket!

But…in the meantime England were trying…in every sense of the word. There was no plan other than bowl five seamers in rotation. Unless plans change, England will be slaughtered in the next Ashes…if not before!

The day dawned in Hamilton sunny and dry but with a forecast of afternoon showers so we could be seeing a curtailed days play. The prospect of test debuts for NZ and England whet the appetite as does the prospect of Pope keeping wicket for England – there’s little evidence of him keeping in any first class game so this could be a test.

Whether any other religiously named wicketkeepers have ever played for England is a delightful prospect to ponder over on a dark December afternoon (potentially as early as next week).

One interesting aside – and I have been hit once this tour – is the news that a power outage in NZ this week was caused by the volume of bird quango hitting power lines. This requires a) significant volume and b) marksmanship! It’s given the main TV news great consternation in how to describe it without offending their audience!

Seddon Park is small- almost a village green type ground in the middle of the city of Hamilton. Numbers attending are expected to be small as there’s only one coffee concession stall and two toilet blocks!

England win the toss and bowl (!); the theory of five seaners and no spinners seems odd but Root reckons on getting lots of wickets today and before lunch! He says history dictates this – sounds more like the stats man had a loud voice in the management meetings this week!

NZ lose two by lunch – Raval who hasn’t done anything like a bolero and Williamson for 4 – and reach 86 off 28. Broad is getting the odd one to nip, Archer bowling within himself and not try the bouncer every ball, Woakes (in for Leach) strives as he always does and Curran is workmanlike. No sign of Stokes bowling yet. Latham and Taylor have rallied NZ with the former reaching his 50 on the stroke of lunch.

The ground is not that well appointed in terms of facilities and the more I see of Hamilton as I head off for lunch – food, any food! – the less it impresses me but there we are.

Clouds gather and the wind freshens as tea approaches at 173/3. Taylor went immediately after his 50 but Latham is giving England another lesson in how to grind out an innings and is 101no at tea. It’s almost weatherwise what I expected NZ to be – cool/warm with shade and sun.

England’s plan of ‘loads of wickets’ is looking a bit thin at the moment but there’s another 2 and a half hours to go – nominally 36 overs but the way that England treat the paying public with distain I don’t expect these to be bowled!

Three balls after tea and pollen/dust/leaves from the trees start to drop down, the lights come on instantly and then it rains…and rains…and rains.

And on a ground where there is no shelter other than a few trees, concession gazebos, tv towers and metal stands, the risk of lightning increases as the thunder clouds roll in and somehow what looked like a reasonable crowd suddenly becomes small – albeit that the locals and their knowledge have headed for home.

After an hour and a bit play for the day is abandoned but will start 30 minutes early tomorrow.

England were saved by the rain today from any further embarrassment but what will tomorrow bring?

And the cause of the next power cut?

Another transfer day as the tour heads for its final destination of Hamilton before heading home from Auckland this time next week.

There’s very little to say about Hamilton – it’s ok as cities go acting as a centre for the surrounding areas but it’s clearly not renowned for its tourist attractions; adding 5,000 or so England fans should bring it to life in what should be its overcrowded centre.

However the journey from Rotorua was uneventful in pleasant countryside apart from a short stop in Tirau renowned for its quaint signs and antiques. What interested me the most was the ‘home kill service’ which I took to be either a pest control service or at worse a firm of hit-men given the nature of the employees sitting outside! Turns out to be a mobile abattoir and butchering service for the local farmers etc.!

So…a few more tourist photos today before we concentrate on the cricket tomorrow.

Some of the quirky advertising in Tirau

And finally…the best of downtown Hamilton

Today is a full tourist day spent in Rotorua; renowned for its geothermal action of geysers, mud pools, hot springs and so forth. A town built around these features with most of them within a reasonable travelling distance and coupled with Maori villages, it’s a tourist hit.

The town itself is somewhat nondescript but surrounding the low rise shops, malls and eateries are more hotel rooms than you can probably shake a stick at.

So very few words from me in this blog – other than you must come and see for yourself – and I’m going to let the photos do all the talking. There are loads more I could upload but then what would I have to show people when I show them my holiday snaps?

Audience participation in learning the Haka

Mud pools – my video camera work needs attention I know!

Today was another transfer day – Tauranga to Rotorua so there are very few photos so far.

En route we stopped at a Kiwi Fruit Farm (that’s not a NZ farm selling or growing fruit but growing and selling Kiwi fruit).

There’s not much excitement in watching Kiwi fruit grow but it was fascinating to learn how they are a key agricultural product. I always thought they grew in low bushes but they are more akin to grape vines.

On arrival we left our bags at the hotel and en masse rocked up at the Rotorua Skyline for a gondola ride up to the luge runs – longer than Queenstown – and the first in the world and also offers three grades of runs. After the first lesson we took the basic run but we lads weren’t content with that so went straight to the advance run for the next five runs before a final basic run.

The most amazing fun and I can confirm that in the private contest between the TM and myself (4-0 to the TM after the Queenstown leg), the final score was 7-4 to the TM; and hence a worthy winner of the inaugural Hoke Poke Ice Cream Cup for Kiwi lugeing 2019.

Back to the hotel and a short wander around Rotorua’s CBD.

Rotorua is renowned for its Maori history and culture as well as geothermal activity, geysers and mud pools etc. One product of this volcanic activity is the smell of bad eggs (Hydrogen Sulphide) in the air at all times. This fart-like smell or odour is a farter’s delight – I’m sure the more genteel readers I have will not understand what farts are but I guarantee every man does!

I’m starting at the end since all those gathered about at the end of the match when England didn’t even manage to match BJ’s 205 all by himself, was ‘well, well, well…’ But before we get to the end…

The day dawns dry and with the prospect of being as hot as the previous days – 25C but feels 10c hotter. England need a rearguard for performance to get out of jail free here. But starting at 55/3 needing 208 more just to make NZ bat again looks a tall order.

Root doesn’t look the part and departs to one of the more stupid shots we’ve seen but cometh the hour, cometh the man -Stokes.

Lunch is taken at 98/4 – again slow in terms of run scoring but just what England needed.

Calls from some in the ex-corporate tents now used for mere mortals such as myself until the tent become too packed an like a sauna, included mass sackings, advice on how to play every ball, to detach Yorkshire from the UK and tow it out to sea and to sack Root as captain.

Roots captaincy seems to have gone backwards over the recent months – he had the benefit of the wisdom of Sir A until last summer, the egofest which is Anderson and Broad has diminished (and perhaps did his captaining for him?) and he doesn’t seem to inspire the team or spectators.

His batting has been badly affected and his additional bowling role cannot have helped but there we are. There’s no or little chirping in the field when things get tough and the whole thing just seems like ‘something to be done’. And I don’t mean just this test…the Ashes series was also poorly captained and if it were not for Stokes and a few umpiring errors…

So…does he go or does he stay?

Buttler is the only realistic alternative which is not saying a lot. The team is in transition and will continue to be so for a while. The reliance on Bairstow and Stokes to provide the batting powerhouse cannot be taken for granted.

And as for this match – bowling choices were poorly made; Archer not handled at all well – ‘just bowl bouncers’ seems to have been the order of the day – and the lack of any management when things go wrong or not as planned was too obvious. Plan A is in place and as I’ve said before Plan B is to repeat Plan A until it works! Or so it seems

Anyway, the slow pace may have upset a few spectators here and at home but the morning session was marginally England’s.

The afternoon was definitely NZ’s as first they took Stokes to a stupid loose shot (again how many times have I said this in the past five days) Denly was unlucky to have been caught off his glove, whilst Buttler (spotted last night in delights of Tauranga’s CBD) went to one of the most stupid shots ever. Curran S and Archer rallied the score from 138/8 to close to 200 but the inevitable end came with Broad lbw to a full toss. What has Broad done in this game?

Interestingly Radio NZ cricket commentary team spent most of the day debating whether England were in one-day mode, five day-save-the-test-at-all-cost mode or somewhere between and getting horribly lost? I think I know where I stand on this!

All credit though to NZ – they climbed their mountain out of trouble on Saturday morning (key session that one…especially in silence), ploughed on regardless for the rest of Saturday and almost all of Sunday (it seems 615/9 dec is their best ever score against England!). They learnt from their mistakes, played as a team and deserved their win. They can drink deep tonight from the well of victory.

Today was a statto’s delight.

And after the most bizarre evening ever in Tauranga last night, some stability was needed. Words cannot explain the events at one of the local hostelries other than try to imagine Kafka met Fred Astaire in a Python movie. I should stress that I was not involved but Dad dancing of the worst kind accompanied by some of the oldest dancers I’ve ever seen with wheelie bins being brought into the pub and all to the accompaniment of a small pseudo-rock trio gives you just a flavour. I’ll never be able to listen to ‘all right now’ ever again with thinking of Tauranga.

So what’s the relevance of these events to the test match I hear you ask? Well let me say that the most exciting thing about the morning session was Aggers on TMS being given a cake!

Neither side wanted, it seemed, to force the match. No wickets fell for 58 runs in two hours shows how exciting it was. As expected the crowd was smaller – there are other delights to experience here – and no fancy dress to note. This brings the score to 452/6 as the batsmen grind on and England’s bowlers reflect the overall body language of the team – silence!

England seem to have miscalculated when the second new ball was due since all the quicks had already been used (aka flogged to death) and really have no plan (just like the Barmy’s vocals for their Archer song – just ‘Jofra Archer followed by a lot of clapping.

The discussion turns to when the declaration will come and what will England need to save the game. Instructions have been given over lunch as NZ move through the gears to reach 590/7 at tea. Santner being the only wicket after he makes a test best of 126 and his maiden century. BJ by tea reaches 200no – again his best test score. But they added 237 for the 7th wicket – the best for NZ in all tests ever!

I told you it’s a stattos delight! England were basically clueless during the afternoon session- it looked like men against boys! Even the barmies started to leave!

And still no declaration!

But at tea, the Sky boys having done their bit head back but Bumble is intrigued by the impromptu game in the banks and joins in showing everyone that at 72, he has still got it! Will this be the best by an England batsman today?

A somewhat useless short session after tea see NZ reach 615/9 declared as they tried to speed things up. BJ was eventually out for 205 and – brace yourself- it was the third best score by a Kiwi in tests ever; and was the longest innings by a Kiwi in tests in terms of balls faced or minutes at the crease – and he beat his own record!

So England need 252 to make NZ bat again or to bat for a day and a session for a draw.

All was well for a while until Sibley nibbled a wide one from Santner, Burns miscued a top edge catch and Leach sent in as night watchman was out on the last ball of the day – 55/3 reads the score! If England score 200 I’ll be surprised. Scoreboard pressure is playing with their minds as well as more effective bowling by NZ – having gone 11 home test innings without a spinner taking a wicket and Santner has three already.

Bumbling by England, focus by NZ – this is only going one way.

Test cricket is just that – a test; a test for players and often a test for spectators and today was one of those days with only two wickets to fall all day as NZ moved from 144/4 to 394/6.

Interestingly the first session was played in almost complete silence – as if prayers had been called — and given the reasonable crowd and number of locals, it felt most odd.

Also there was a DRS review which was in process when then on field umpire then repeated his original decision. Does that they nullify any decision by the DRS official or is DRS all powerful? Interesting question?

NZ reach 224/5 at lunch with Nicholls the only wicket (and that to Root – his bowling has probably been his best suit so far…batting and captaincy seem to lack a lot.)

Watling is still there – slowly progressing, nurdling and nudging; playing the perfect innings for his side but he is an annoying player – not in the Steve Smith fidget sense – but in his limpet like approach. Ideal for test cricket!

The new ball is taken immediately after lunch (the morning session probably honours even) but could have been taken just before lunch but there we are. Curran S was given the honour with Broad at the other end but like all new ball spells here, there was very little for the faster bowlers. Watling and de GrandHomme both reach their 50s – the latter coming from behind to reach his first.

The afternoon session was really tough – the heat was oppressive, for everyone and with no cover or shelter every shadow space was taken.

Tea is taken at 315/5 – deffo NZ’s session – and as I walked round the ground seeking shelter and rehydration, I noticed the third element of a TMS favourite come into view – from this ground you can see regular trains, boats and planes! Oh for my Blowers of long ago!

So…the question for the afternoon I kept asking was – why not use Stokes? And lo and behold, first ball after tea Stokes takes the second wicket of the day – de GrandHomme for a fine 70.

Spin tends not to win matches in NZ – NZ spinners have not taken a wicket at home for the last 11 innings! So why was Leach used so much? Anyway, ours is not to reason why…

And that was England’s last success of the day – Archer seemed to think that bowling a bouncer almost every ball, or look as if he’s planning to was the way to take wickets and as a result got tonked about a bit. Broad was economical, Stokes all heart as ever and Leach…

Meanwhile as the England body language seemed to speak volumes, Watling just carried on and on and on…ending the day at 119no (the first time a NZ keeper has made centuries in consecutive tests) and Santander on 31no – 394/6 and a lead of 41.

A draw seems the only likely result but two quick wickets tomorrow and a fine century opening stand…then anything is possible; all we need to be is resolute in standing up to the test!

But Watling is taking NZ streets ahead!

Watling getting low to avoid the bouncer – but must also lower the periscope!

And the collective noun for a group of fancy dress bishops (boys and girls) is…?

Please form an orderly queue!

Shade…any shade!

Watling reaches his 100 – and celebrates; as do the locals strangely dressed in onesies?

The perfect way to watch test cricket – on the embankment, sitting on a low-lying bean bag/chair. All I need now is someone to bring me gins and tonics on a regular basis and…all would be right with the world!

The second day dawned sunny and bright and with the prospect of the mercury reaching 25C – this is no UK style heat, it will feel a lot more and sunburn watch is the order of the day. So much so that ANZ Bank are sponsoring the sunscreen process at the Test and offering free lotion to anybody and everybody – how much sense does that make? Why don’t we do this in the UK where all cancers and especially skin ones can be so devastating?

In England you need to arrive at the test venue in sufficient time for a) public transport to have delivered you there and b) the stringent security to get into the ground. Here you need to arrive early to a) park your car – or even bike! And b) take in all your picnic chairs and equipment to gain the best spots!

I needed to purchase an umbrella to day – not for any rain but to keep the sun off as there is minimal cover or shade at the ground – another new one for me!

The match starts on time with England pootling along quite nicely until a bit of high cloud cover, extra swing to the ball and Stokes holes out for 91 when a century was there for the taking.

Pope soon follows for 29, Curran S for a golden duck and Archer for very few – leaving England in a mild state of confusion at 301/8 – losing 4 for 60 in just over an hour. A question for my cricket followers…why does Archer bat at no 9? Even Broad in his current batting form/style is better than him?

Anyway, Buttler controls the scoring up to lunch, keeping Leach away from the strike (didn’t Leach do well at Lords and Leeds last summer and knows how to wield a bat?).

Southee bowled well – nearly a hat trick and as lunch looms it’s 329/8 – missed opportunities by England this morning and grasped ones by NZ (as opposed to those they missed yesterday).

Post lunch England fold for 353 with Buttler trying to control the strike but with 8 batsman out caught England are some 50 short of what they could have been. Southee takes 4/88 and de GrandHomme bowled 23 overs at 1.8 – the second string bowlers are key here.

By tea NZ reach 50/1 with no real issues – Williamson just accumulating runs, Broad and Archer looking ok but Curran S makes up for his earlier misdemeanour.

Drinks at the third session sees NZ 106/3 some 80 minutes after tea but Taylor was suckered into a catch in the deep but Williamson just keeps going – 50 at least is on the cards.

Just as I think that he gets a brute from Curran and is gone for 51. Archer is brought back for the last 20 minutes or so to soften up the middle order as NZ reach 144/3 off 51 overs at the end of the extended day and I’m done out of three overs entertainment and no one seems to care! Over a season that can be a lot to lose!

The pitch is beginning to show some inconsistent and variable bounce and, as the locals say, we’ve never had a five day game on one pitch here before, it could get interesting.

England are in the box seat especially with the big guns back in the Pavilion but who knows?

Today is the first day of the first test between NZ and England. The first ever at Bay Oval Mount Manganui and a test debut for Dominic Sibley (England). And my first day of watching a test in NZ and what surroundings!

After the now-usual prelims, England batted after winning the toss with Burns and Sibley. Clearly the new approach is to score more runs than the opposition as opposed to scoring them more quickly, so the first hour sees the score reach 30/0 facing some fine Kiwi fast bowling.

From my viewpoint it wasn’t clear if the ball was doing anything but moving position to be with the ‘locals’ on the surrounding embankments and avoiding the harsh reflective sunlight at the first position, it’s clear that there’s more bounce from the Mountain End rather than the City End. Local colour just adds to the day and chatting to a Kiwi, I discovered he had just sold his cow, and would have more time therefore to go to the cricket!

Lunch arrives at 61/1 off 29 overs – Sibley gone for 22; he will go a long way I’m sure whilst Burns (who was out but given not out and no DRS) seemed to lack his usual fluency and is fishing a lot outside his off stump. Denly looks more composed.

And what a delight – the crowd was invited to walk round the outfield at lunch! Just wonder upon wonder and brilliant marketing to encourage the paying public.

The afternoon session ground out to 120/3 by tea – loose shot from Burns after his 50, and another loose shot from Root for 2. But this brings the current English superman to the crease. In the meantime Denly is approaching his 50. The bowling continued to be tight and chances went begging but at tea both sides would be happy.

The last session saw Denly leave late in the day for 74 after adding a hundred plus with Stokes who then took advantage of a tiring attack eager for the new ball to go to his 50 and beyond.

The day ends at 241/4 – England the happier no doubt but two quick wickets tomorrow morning and the complexion changes! NZ will need the new ball to work for them. Their bowlers were unlucky and will bowl worse than today and have better figures but that’s the game we love so much.

The projection is for a draw and given the generally benign nature of the pitch that’s probably a good call but we’ll see.

But for me today was a first and a second – the first as above and the second time I’ve been able to lay down flat at a test match, spread out and watch the game – pure bliss!